a review


i just saw loch na heala
swan lake
in dun laoghaire
with elizabeth power and her partner

it was slow
then better
then i forgot i was watching theatre because there was a dance between her and him and it was gorgeous, the way they moved into and out of and through each other and i felt you or missed you or wanted to dance or feel you or go through you-
then it was slow
then better
and then all the actors danced around with feathers
which i am allergic to


cosáin – pathways to recovery

if there is a possible you out there
which there is
what do you want hir to look like?

is always the question they ask

but if you do not have faith
that things can be different
thinking about anything good can be impossible
and if you try,

it is automatically thinking of what you lack
it automatically creates a hole

sometimes i think
everything about mental health
all the ways we know to go about it
are wrong

i want to walk towards recovery
in a completely new manner
but maybe even that thought
is trapped within the old frame

maybe to recover
there is no movement involved
it is just
seeing, feeling
anew, again

to bmg

i spoke until i became sad
then i did not speak anymore

eleven years later i started to speak again

at the castle
wariness gone
i spoke

the meta-aware eye gone

i’m sorry about
“you are the bad guys”
you see
i was not thinking
i was too enchanted by feeling free

too taken with
oh wow this is how i can be

i am still
very much learning
how to speak