heart broke

i stood opposite the bus
to take me to class
my breathing stopped
as it has
but it didn’t come back
as it has
so i stood by the sumo statue
and wondered if i would pass away
next to him
i decided not to
got on the escalator
i knew the phrase in japanese
近くの病院ありますか?
but as i entered the office i could only stare at the woman
in a pretty silk scarf
she read my eyes
and then 6 people are running about
and i am taken to the hospital
i am crying
as stickers are put all over me
an older woman is holding my hand
the younger one says she knows it’s scary
they are pulling up my shirt, my bra
and i am telling them it hurts it hurts please don’t push down so
but nothing comes out
nothing coherent anyway, in japanese or english
i am driven to another hospital
more stickers
pumps of different sorts
scans
i am not crying anymore
but i am holding my chest
my hands don’t leave it
for the next five hours
血の検査 chi no kensa
i learned a new phrase
so many curtains, questions
i regret wearing a bra, two shirts
just more to take off
all a pretense
covering what matters
stickers a third time
your arteries are closing up
it makes the heart attack
he says in japanese.
then, in english:
your heart. it’s dizzy.
pause.
he looks at me
and he continues, with his drawing, his dictionary, his medicine, his sentence.
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