these are the minutes

there is crying
and there is crying when you have a fear that it is going to take over and shoot into your blood stream, making you flop and contort as it demands to break out of your skin
into the air

this is just crying
i place my head against the wall
a little too hard, it hurts.
my entire skin outline self burns with a warning
because my instinct is to bang again, harder, and then harder, and then harder
until i am flinging my skull against the perpendicular altar
and you are running at me to stop

or the last time
not

my body urgently reminds me
“you don’t do that anymore”
i am paused in air as all the messages are being sent and denied
impulses stop midway, wires burn out, cut
serotonin is lost or gained and the adrenaline is looking for a place to go
so i type and hope this feeling goes

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